Control

When in our lives do we lose control? I feel as if I never have really had it. I’ve never been in control of my fertility, and as soon as we sought out help, all control was turned over to complete strangers. The fate of my future was in the hands of someone else. I thought, for some stupid reason, that things would be different with the adoption. I was warned by our social worker, and several other people, that we shouldn’t expect to have any control. I didn’t listen.

The past few months have actually gone by pretty fast. I’ve been able to keep somewhat busy with knitting the blankets, looking & applying for grants and trying to come up with fundraisers. All of a sudden, things changed, or should I say stopped. I’m back to feeling like I have no control over any of this, which I really don’t, and it’s very difficult to handle. It’s been a rush of emotions, sleepless nights, and feeling hopeless at times. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but as I’ve said before, there are times when it is very dim. This is one of those times.