My first Mother's Day... I'm sitting here watching the best little boy in the world snuggle up with dad on the couch with his blankie and Mike the stuffed puppy. I got to lay in bed for an extra 30 minutes this morning...thank you Ethan for that.
I have been putting off writing anything down about Mother's Day, hoping that something profound would strike. Well nothing has. I have dreaded Mother's Day for so long, not wanting to even think about it let alone celebrate the one thing I wanted so badly but had yet to experience. Now as I finally have my turn I can't help but feel sad again. I feel sad for Parker's birth mom, thinking about her even more so over the past month, wondering if she thinks about him, misses him, wonders about him and his new family. If she pictures what he might look like or what he is doing. Did she think of him on his 1st birthday? I don't know the answers to these questions and probably never will. In a few years from now when Parker starts asking questions about her, I won't have the anwers to those either.
I will never be able to express to her how her selfless act made such a huge impact on me and my life. I am a mother. She will always be his birth mom and one day I hope Parker will honor her as he does me on this day of mothers. Yesterday we went and picked out a tree that we can plant in honor of Parker's birth mom. It was a day that is known in the adoption community as "Birth Mother's Day".
I also think about Parker's foster mom. A woman who took care of him, changed him, fed him and loved him for the first 9 months of his life. I don't know much about Parker's foster mom either but I am sure that it was very hard for her to say good-bye to him. I hope one day we will be able to take a trip to Korea to meet her and say thank you.
So, on this Mother's Day May 9, 2010 I am not celebrating the fact that I am a mother, I am celebrating the two other moms in Parker's life and without them I would not be the mom I am today.
