Friday, January 20, 2012

hurry up and wait

When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for anything.  I couldn’t wait for Christmas, my birthday, summer vacation and so on.  I wanted time to go super fast.  As I got a little older, it didn’t seem as important and I could wait.  In school I wanted time to drag out so I wouldn’t have to go to that dreaded next class or take that awful test.  As a young adult, time started going by way too fast.  The weekends, vacations, time spent with friends just flew by.  While waiting for a referral the first time around, time was sort of a blur.  Most days seemed way too long.  Now I’m at a totally new place, an uncertain place and a not so happy place.  I am caught in a place where I want time to stand still so I can be with Parker as much as possible.  I want him to stop growing up so fast.  I want him to be a baby again so I can hold him like I did such a short time ago.  I also want time to go faster each day.  Waiting for a referral this time, the days, weeks and months can’t go fast enough.  By around 10:00am, I figure I’m not getting a phone call telling me I have a baby, so I’m ready for the day to be over.  It’s the same by Wednesday and around the middle of the month.  Last year was pretty much a blur because I wanted time to hurry up.  I already want January to be over so we can move on to a new month and hopefully a referral. 

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