A dear friend of mine lost her father very unexpectedly Saturday morning. He was a wonderful man that made me feel like family the first day I met him. I have so many fond memories, although I think my favorite is a picture of the two of us from his daughter's wedding. It is so hard to lose someone close, especially this time of year. I am going to miss Dave very much.

December rocks!

12-2: Update from the Bethany blog

Only 23 days until Christmas and the year end is quickly coming too! How did 2008 go by so quickly? Onto the good news - we received five referrals this week! Families waiting for referrals are now waiting since November 2007. Eight children arrived home in November with more children already scheduled to travel home in December.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy turkey day to everyone! I know, I'm a few days early. I do want to say right now how thankful both Ethan and I are for the wonderful people that have showed us what a caring world this really is. Some of these people we have known for years, some we've only met online, some are friends of friends and some are complete strangers and of course family. We are very blessed.

I came across this the other day, I had almost forgotten about it and how wonderful it is. I really wanted to share.

.........THOUGHTS ON BECOMING A MOTHER......

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a better mother.


AUTHOR UNKNOWN

here we go again...

Paper work, paper work and more paper work...Did I mention paper work? It's been almost a year since we submitted medical and criminal clearance forms, so we need to update and submit again. We also need our references updated; thank you to the 3 of you that have taken the time to write those for us; we really appreciate everything you've done for us. I guess I need to get back in the frame of mind that everything is temporarily out of our control.

November is National Adoption Month

November 15, 2008, will mark the 9th year for National Adoption Day. Through the help of adoption professionals, child advocates, judges, and attorneys, thousands of children in foster care will finalize adoption and become part of a permanent home and family.

"Traditionally, National Adoption Day is celebrated the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Out of respect for the nation's remembrance of the 45th anniversary of the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, the National Adoption Day Coalition elected to move the celebration of National Adoption Day this year only to the Saturday prior." ~ statement from National Adoption Day Web site.

The History of National Adoption Day
· 2000 - National Adoption Day began with the Alliance for Children's Rights and support from the Freddie Mac Foundation, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, and others. Hundreds of adoptions were finalized in 9 jurisdictions.
· 2001 - The number of jurisdictions increased to 17.
· 2002 - Assistance from Casey Family Services, Children's Action Network, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute and Target. This support brought 34 jurisdictions to National Adoption Day and 1,350 adoptions were finalized.
· 2003 - 3,100 adoptions were finalized and 120 jurisdictions participated in the event.
· 2004 - 3,400 adoptions finalized at 200 events in 37 states.
· 2005 - The largest number of coast-to-coast celebrations for National Adoption Day! More than 3,300 children's adoptions were finalized from foster care in 227 events in 45 states and the District of Columbia.
· 2006 - The largest of number of coast-to-coast celebrations with more than 250 events in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico! More than 3,300 adoption were finalized.
· 2007 - More than 300 events were held in all fifty states including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.
In total more than 20,000 children have been adopted from foster care on National Adoption Day.
Goals of National Adoption Day 2008
· Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states
· Celebrate and honor all families that adopt
· Raise awareness about the 129,000 children in foster care waiting for adoption
· Encourage others to adopt children from foster care
· Build collaboration among local adoption agencies, courts and advocacy organizations

Halloween!

Well it's that time of year Ethan and I love so much... Halloween! We've been decorating, planning costumes and getting ready for the big day. I don't know what it is, but we have so much fun with this holiday. Since there really isn't much else going on right now, I'm occupying my mind with this for now.

I'm still very busy with knitting blankets but am always ready to do more.

Hoping for referral updates soon.

New York Times article

Korea Aims to End Stigma of Adoption and Stop ‘Exporting’ Babies - NYTimes.com

October is going to rock!

One referral in October already!

There ended up being 5 referrals in the month of September, 2 families are still waiting from September '07. Let's hope for quick referrals for them, they have waited long enough.

This is a great start to the month, let's keep it going.

good news!

There were two referrals this week! There are still two families waiting from September 2007, but it's only the middle of the month...

a year already???

I can't believe it was a year ago today that Bethany received our preliminary application! It really hasn't seemed that long... okay, yes it has. I guess I can count this as the first mile marker, so to speak.

Control

When in our lives do we lose control? I feel as if I never have really had it. I’ve never been in control of my fertility, and as soon as we sought out help, all control was turned over to complete strangers. The fate of my future was in the hands of someone else. I thought, for some stupid reason, that things would be different with the adoption. I was warned by our social worker, and several other people, that we shouldn’t expect to have any control. I didn’t listen.

The past few months have actually gone by pretty fast. I’ve been able to keep somewhat busy with knitting the blankets, looking & applying for grants and trying to come up with fundraisers. All of a sudden, things changed, or should I say stopped. I’m back to feeling like I have no control over any of this, which I really don’t, and it’s very difficult to handle. It’s been a rush of emotions, sleepless nights, and feeling hopeless at times. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but as I’ve said before, there are times when it is very dim. This is one of those times.

WOW!

If anyone has checked Bethany's South Korean blog, you have noticed that it has not been updated for quite a while. It's finally updated for July. There were two referrals in June, and SEVEN already in July! The wait is now up to September 2007. Small steps...

Let's keep those fingers crossed!

Doctor

Chuck has a pediatrician. Ethan & I had a 'meet & greet' with the doctor today and are very happy with him. All we have to do now is sit and wait for the referral.

I received a wonderful email from a dear friend today that I wanted to share. It is titled "What no one told you about Trying to Conceive", it is a collection from women facing infertility, and puts my thoughts and feelings into words. I posted it toward the bottom of the page.

Although we are going through a wonderful experience and are looking forward to bring our baby home, I still am, and will always be, faced with infertility.

things are good

We are getting closer yet, there were 3 more referrals this past week! Familes waiting now have been waiting since August 2007.


We had another seminar last night, it was the best one so far for me. It was called Connecting with the experts, it consisted of families that have adopted and told their stories. One of the families is recently home from South Korea with their son and we were able to talk to them one on one, which was very nice. They encouraged us to travel to South Korea to pick Chuck up when the time comes, we're still undecided as far as that goes.

more referrals!

Here is the latest from Bethany's South Korea adoption blog-

Children of Promise Matched

Friday, May 16, three Children of Promise were matched and are being considered by forever families. The response to these little ones was overwhelming and Bethany is truly blessed to have so many families that are open to these little ones with special placements needs. Thank you for your interest and continued support for the Korea program, and especially the Children of Promise.

Three children were welcomed home by their forever families last week, and two additional families received referrals! We are happy to share that families are now waiting since July 2007 - what a jump! That makes the current wait time about 12 months, but please also note there are large numbers of families who were approved in late 2007, (about 10 per month for the last four months of the year). As there has not been a noticeable trend in referrals lately, we are guessing wait times for referral will vary between 10-16 months, but referral times could vary greatly.

latest news

I got an update today about referrals. There were 2 referrals last week, that leaves one family from 2006 still waiting for their referral and then it's on to 2007! The wait time for a referral will be appoximately 10-14 months from the date our home study was completed, which was December 31, 2007.


I'm a bit sad, it seems like it's going to be forever until we get that referral. The light at the end of the tunnel is a bit dim again. I'm hoping that this summer flies by, although I want to enjoy it. I guess for now I'll focus on painting around the house, getting the yard in shape and child proofing.

Holidays and celebrations

Since there isn't much going on right now I thought I'd pass along some dates for Korean Holidays -

*New Year's Day (January 1)
Most Koreans celebrate both Western New Year and Lunar New Year. Koreans count themselves one year older on January 1, not their actual birthdays. Note that when a baby is born in Korea, it is automatically "one year old." The next January 1, the baby is "two years old." Thus, Koreans are usually between one and two years younger than they count themselves as. This can be important when dealing with younger children. If you're told you're going to be teaching five-year olds, double check if this is 'Korean age' (i.e. three and four year olds) or 'Western age'. All ages used on this site are 'Western'.

*Seollal, or Lunar New Year (Varies from late January to late February)
This is the second most important holiday in Korea. Families generally reunite (which means book ahead if you want to go anywhere). This is the most prominent occasion on which Koreans honor their ancestors and older living relatives. Young people usually receive gifts of cash (sometimes quite sizeable) in exchange for correctly executing a traditional bow in front of elders; the bow for girls is particularly difficult and many-a-teenage-girl ends up with a bruised tailbone, but usually still gets her red envelope. Normally, red envelopes are used for gifts of cash and white envelopes are used for cash payment payment.

*Samil Independence Movement Day (March 1)
This day marks the beginning of the independence movement against the Japanese during their colonial rule. On this day in 1919, leaders of social and religious circles gathered at a park in central Seoul and declared Korea's independence from Japan, which had annexed Korea with tacit U.S. approval, in 1910. In recent years it has come to be a holiday that celebrates (and asserts) Korea's independence from all foreign powers, including the U.S. This is the one day of the year that American and Japanese nationals may want to lay low.

*Buddha's Birthday (Varies in April or May)
Solemn rituals are held at Buddhist temples across the country. The day's festivities reach their climax when monks and laymen march through city streets with beautiful paper lanterns. This holiday is always one working day and is fixed according to the lunar calendar (no long weekends of convenience).

*Children's Day (May 5)
This is an official holiday. Children receive gifts from parents and are taken on family outings.

*Parents' Day (May 8)
This is not an official holiday; however, most families observe it with children giving parents carnations and letters of appreciation. Do not expect a day off work.

*Teacher's Day (May 15)
Ironically, this day is not a holiday for most teachers in Korea. However, you can expect to be showered with gifts from parents; some may be surprisingly substantial.

*Constitution Day (July 17)
This day celebrates the establishment of the first Korean constitution on July 17, 1948. The Republic of Korea (South Korea) was officially established about a month later.

*Liberation Day (August 15)
Japan surrendered to the United States on this day in 1945. It is celebrated by Koreans as the official end to Japanese colonial rule and the beginning of the modern era in Korea.

*Chuseok (Varies, but usually in September)
This is the 15th day of the 8th lunar month on the lunar calendar. The full moon on this day is what Westerners sometimes refer to as a "harvest moon." At Chuseok and Lunar New Years, it is common for Koreans to wear traditional clothing, called Hanbok. This is especially true for the elderly and for children. On Chuseok day, the moon appears larger than usual and is often orange in color in the Northern Hemisphere. Celebrated in many Asian countries that follow the lunar calendar, this is the biggest holiday of the year in Korea. The day before, and sometimes the day after, Chuseok are official holidays as well. Almost all Koreans will make their way to their traditional family homes for the holiday. Plan any travel WELL ahead. Koreans often refer to this holiday as "Korean Thanksgiving" in English.

*National Foundation Day (October 3)
Called Gaecheonjeol Day, this is the day when Dangun (the mythical "first Korean.") was supposed to have founded the Korean nation about 4,300 years ago. Ask locals for the full story — it's quite surprising.

*Christmas (December 25)
Christmas Day is an official holiday since about half of Koreans who claim a religion are Christian. Quite differently from the West, young people go out to parties on December 25 and spend January 1 and/or December 31 with their families. You will have to work on December 24 and December 26. Christmas Eve and Boxing Day have no special significance in Korea and Christmas Day itself may feel more like any-old-day off to Westerners. Note that in many Asian countries, December 25 is not a holiday at all. Many language schools offer December 25 through January 2 as a paid winter break.

one step at a time

We got the letter telling us that our I600-A form has been approved! Now we wait. The next step is the referral. It's going to be a very long summer.


I did take grandma Sharon looking for cribs yesterday, and that was a lot of fun. Chuck is getting quite the pile of stuff already, and I haven't even gone with grandma Linda yet!

nothing new

I've been asked by a few people if there's any thing new happening or if we've heard something yet, unfortunately no. Right now we know as much as anyone else does, all we can do is keep waiting. We hope to hear about the approval of the I-600A form in the next month.



We do have a seminar a week from Saturday and are looking forward to that. I did put a new video on. We were shown this video at one of our meetings and wanted to share. It is another tear jerker, just a warning.

What's going on...

We had the first of many seminars last night. It focused on maintaining your child’s birth culture and being a multi-cultural family. We did a few exercises and talked about discrimination, stereotypes etc. We broke up into country specific groups at the end so we were able to meet others that are going through S. Korea. We met a few other couples, one whose home study was completed about 4 months before us and two others that are behind us and still waiting to get into the Korea program. I think it will help a lot having others to talk to and wait with.

Chuck got Easter baskets with the first stuffed Easter bunny and Horton, which Stella loves. I am going to find somewhere to start storing some of this stuff; there’s no more room on the dresser.

We are still waiting to hear from USCIS regarding our fingerprinting, if we were approved.

Other than that, there’s nothing new going on, but stay tuned for updates.

fingerprints are done

Everything went well with the fingerprinting appointment Friday... at least for Ethan. They had a difficult time with getting a good read on my prints for some reason. The process is done with a scanner and, for whatever reason, mine had to be redone at least twice per finger, but it's all done now.

fingerprints

We got the notice letting us know that we have an appointment @ 8:00 am Friday February 29th to get fingerprinted! Once we're done with that, I guess we're back to waiting.

one step closer

We received notification in the mail yesterday that our application is getting closer. We will be getting a notice in the mail shortly for the fingerprinting appointment. The current process for the I-600A form is 3 months! This form is used when there is not a specific child in mind, it is sort of "advance processing".


I need to take these small steps as little victories and remember that we are headed in the right direction.

it made it

We got confirmation that the I-600A package made it to USCIS Monday February 11th! Now we get to wait for a letter telling us when our appointment to get fingerprinted is going to be. More waiting....

on the way

The I-600A packet is on it's way to USCIS. I don't know how long it takes to get there, and once it's there who knows how long it will sit before it is processed. Hopefully it won't take too long. Once it's processed we will get notified of our appointment to get fingerprinted, that should take about 2 - 3 weeks.

stressed out

Okay I'm ready for a breakdown and we're just getting started. I just got off the phone with our agency about mailing in the I-600A for to USCIS (United States Citizen & Immigration Services) and I want to break down and cry. I was checking on what was to be mailed in along with the form and wanted to make sure the fees were correct etc.

It's not a big deal to do all of this, I just don't know how I'm going to get through everything! Maybe it's just the fact that we are really going through with this. Maybe because one little thing that should be so easy wasn't and I've already gotten something wrong. If we get one little thing wrong on the form or don't mail the correct stuff in we have to do it over, and that's just another setback.

That's just what we need, another setback! I know we'll get through it all but that light at the end of the tunnel is looking further away than it is.

the waiting is going to kill me

When we started all of this I thought, no problem I'm a pro at waiting, it won't be bad. Yeah right! I admit it, I was wrong. I keep hearing "it won't take long", "it'll be here before you know it", " nine to tweleve months isn't bad", well it may not seem like a long time to others but it's going to be an eternity for me. What the heck am I supposed to do to pass time? How many blankets can I knit for goodness sake? I can't shop for things like clothes, it's a bit early for a crib and when we do get a crib then I have to stare at it everyday... empty.


We were supposed to have our first training seminar last night, well that got cancelled due to the wonderful blizzard like conditions. Gotta love Michigan. I was hoping to meet other couples I can talk to to help pass time or at least get some ideas, but that too is going to be more waiting. The seminar that was cancelled will be rescheduled, but who knows whe that'll be. There is another one in March so for now I'll keep looking forward to that one.

priceless

"What? Are they tired of the dogs?"

-Ally (age 7) on hearing that her Aunt Jami and Uncle Ethan were adopting.

wonderful and true

.........THOUGHTS ON BECOMING A MOTHER......There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a better mother.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Happy New Year!

The votes are in and it looks like Burt won. Thank you all for voting.


We made it through to the New Year with me only getting a cold, nothing more. Woo hoo! This is going to be a very good year for us..... hopefully. We are still waiting for one letter to come in for the home study to be complete, then it all goes to Korea. As far as I know we don't have much else to do other than wait. We do have to send in the I-600A form to get fingerprinted and will be getting our passports in the next couple of months. Bethany offers monthly seminars about adoption that we are going to be attending, the first one is at the end of the month. I'm hoping that will help pass the time and put us in contact with other couples in the area.


Christmas was good for Burt, Santa brought a few goodies. The nursery is starting to look like it will be a nursery soon with the piggy & puppy banks, books, silver pacifier and Ethan's wooden train that was his as a kid. I can start looking forward to this now, cautiously...